By Claire Bernstein, JCADA Intern
Last August, a high school girl from Steubenville, Ohio was raped by
two boys from her high school’s football team at a party. Not only did these
boys violate her body, but many people at the party took pictures of the
incident and posted them on social media sites. In response to this case, many
people shared their opinions about the girl and her actions that night. One
person on Twitter said “I’m not saying
she asked for it, but why did she consume so much alcohol in the first place?”
Are they making excuses for the football players? How do you think
statements like this affect the victim? Whether the Twitter user meant to or
not, this person is blaming the victim for what happened.
Victim-blaming
occurs when someone blames a victim of violence for what has happened to
him/her. Just like in this Twitter post, victim-blaming can take on many forms
and we often see people in the media blaming victims for violence, or having a
bias against the victim. To go back to another case that was all over the media
-- many people blamed Rihanna when Chris Brown physically assaulted her. Following
the incident, some people claimed that Rihanna provoked Chris Brown to hit her
and that she deserved to be hit by him. In addition, people continued to say
the abuse was Rihanna’s fault because she chose to get back together with Chris
Brown.
If a friend is in an abusive relationship, we may try to come
up with reasons why they are experiencing an unhealthy relationship in order to
try to make sense of what we are seeing. We may even begin thinking of things
that our friend has done to justify his/her partner’s bad behaviors. This is
called victim-blaming.
The fear of being blamed can make victims even more scared
to tell other people about the abuse. If a friend hears us victim-blaming
someone in a news story (i.e. girl from Steubenville), they may be hesitant to
talk to us because they are worried we will accuse them of causing the abuse. In
addition, when we blame a victim for abuse, s/he may begin to blame themselves
and feel
responsible for their unhealthy relationship. They may also feel that they
have to change their behaviors to please the abuser.
Victim-blaming lets the abusive partner off the hook and
minimizes their role in the abuse. The culture of victim-blaming also does not
empower friends of the abusive partner to speak up when they are worried.
Abusers need to realize that they are not treating their
partner right and it is never okay to hurt another person.
It is important to understand that abuse is never the victim’s
fault. Abuse and violence are always the fault of the person who is
being violent or abusive. It is important to reassure our friend that the abuse
is not their fault and that they
do not deserve to be treated poorly by a partner.
There are many positive ways to help a friend
who is in an abusive relationship including the following:
- Listen and believe what s/he tells you.
- Acknowledge you friend’s feelings. Don’t tell him/her how he or she should feel.
- Let them know if you are concerned for their safety.
- Do not judge or make victim-blaming statement like “You’re stupid to stay with him” or “Why do you let him/her treat you like this?”
