Self-Care Ideas for the New School Year!

August 10, 2015
By: Carly Shapiro, AWARE Intern

When was the last time you did something for yourself? Although many of us are very busy, everyone needs and deserves time for themselves. Having time for ourselves gives our bodies and brains a break from the stresses of daily life and a chance to re-energize. Taking care of ourselves emotionally and physically can improve our health, relationships, attitude, and well-being.

Here are a couple of self-care activities in the D.C., Maryland, and Virginia area that you can try:

Just Puppies: This store offers a free opportunity to play with puppies. These cuddly little guys can brighten anyone’s day. Their unconditional love makes you remember to love yourself as well.

Michaels Art Classes: Feeling creative? Michaels craft stores offer inexpensive classes, including cake decorating, jewelry making, painting, etc., that serve as a good outlet for releasing your stress and worries, while creating something fun and giving yourself a sense of accomplishment.

Great Falls National Park: Exercise is a great way to distress but also a good opportunity to reflect or catch up with a friend. Explore the trails and the scenic overlooks of Great Falls, or challenge yourself with the Billy Goat Trail (hiking path). If you have a canoe or kayak, take it out on the Potomac River. There is a multitude of ways to enjoy the great outdoors when you go to Great Falls. Visit the park in Maryland or Virginia or the Georgetown Waterfront in Washington D.C.

Yoga: Taking a yoga class gives you the opportunity to self-reflect and meditate. Taking this time to focus on your self, and your inner- and outer-strength is important to helping you stay happy and healthy.

Meditation: The University of Maryland at College Park has an interfaith garden and labyrinth where you can enjoy a walk on a nice, sunny day. Many places in the area offer meditation classes as well, such as the Insight Meditation Community of Washington.

Only have a couple of minutes? Looking for some small ways to take a break and relax? Try a couple of these simple activities: 

• Call a friend
• Read a book
• Listen to music
• Take a nap
• Play with pets
• Sit in nature
• Take a coffee break

What are you going to do today to take care of yourself?

How Instagram Can Filter Teens' Lives

July 17, 2015
By: Carly Shapiro, AWARE Intern

You visit a cool new place, go on an adventure with friends or you eat something that looks great with that lo-fi filter. What next? Post to Instagram? Tweet? Update your status on Facebook? Sharing our life events on social media has become an ordinary part of our lives. Everywhere we turn, there is a way to connect with friends and get an update on the happy, positive events in your friends’ lives.

Although social media can be a great way to connect with others and see what they are up to, it can be difficult to understand how people really feel or what they are truly experiencing by just looking at someone’s social media site. This was the case with University of Pennsylvania student, Madison Holleran, whose friends did not realize how much she was suffering on the inside.

Because Madison posted happy pictures on her Instagram regularly, it was hard for friends and family to understand the extent of the mental health issues she endured from the start of college. Madison was a strong student and great athlete, who excelled at Penn. Despite her successes, she felt overwhelmed and anxious about the possibility of failing at both, according to an ESPN article. However, Madison’s Instagram posts seemed to indicate that she was enjoying her time at college. While Madison may have realized that the photos she posted on Instagram were not an accurate depiction of her happiness, she may have also felt alone when scrolling through her friends’ pictures. The night Madison committed suicide, she posted a beautiful picture of trees and street lights from Philadelphia’s Rittenhouse Square on Instagram that did not indicate anything was wrong to her friends or family.

Madison’s story emphasizes how teens and young adults often portray an image on social media that does not reflect the struggles and issues they may be experiencing. There is a growing pressure to always portray a carefree, “lovin’-life” image.  Social media can be a platform to edit one's image and hide the issues one does not want others to know about. Seeing friends having fun and celebrating their successes may make someone feel alone. How can you share your challenges with your friends who are enjoying themselves?  It can be easier to only see a friend's filtered, online life and harder to recognize when a friend needs help in real life.

Similar to hiding mental health struggles with smiling selfies and happy Instagram posts, teens and young adults experiencing dating abuse can post numerous couple pics and posts which hide the abuse they are experiencing. It is important for us to consider the role social media can play in our everyday lives and the struggles that may not be apparent on social media. Victims of dating abuse are often afraid to talk to someone about the abuse they are experiencing and most keep the abuse a secret from friends and family members. Though it is difficult to spot red flags on social media because of its filtering effect, there are red flags, such as changes in behavior or loss of interest in activities they once loved that we can look for when talking to friends in-person or online. Once we learn to recognize the signs, then we can let our friends know we are here for them.

SLUT: The Play. Is that really the name of this show?

June 1, 2015

By: Leah Siskin, Assistant Director at JCADA and AWARE facilitator

Last Tuesday evening after work, I arrived at Warner Theater in downtown DC to see SLUT: The Play. If you haven’t had the privilege of seeing this show, you may wonder if this is an appropriate topic for an AWARE blog post. As explained on stopslut.org, SLUT: The Play “follows the journey of Joey Del Marco, a 16- year-old girl who is raped by three friends during a night out. Through Joey’s story and those of girls in her community, audiences witness the damaging impact of slut culture and the importance of being heard.”

As I watched the play, I was drawn into the story by the emotional and honest performances of the actors, who were all teenage girls. My chest was so tight as I watched one actor in conversation with her mom defend Joey’s decision to hang out with the three friends. Her mom believed Joey put herself in a bad position. Later, I realized I was holding my breath when another actor asked her brother why he didn’t help Joey as he sat in the cab while his friends assaulted her. After the final scene, in which a girl who had never before disclosed her own sexual assault thanked Joey for speaking up, I wanted to run up to the stage and give the two actors a hug. I was not alone in my emotional response, as I heard sniffles and crying around me in the audience. The audience was full of students from over a dozen schools in the DC area. The play was created based on conversations with the actors about their experiences and the experiences of their friends. I kept thinking how these characters could have been any of the teens I've worked with over the past 10 years.

Theater has a remarkable power to start conversations, but also to validate the feelings of audience members without them having to say a word. To paraphrase one of the actors during the Q&A after the show, in a society where rape culture, victim blaming and slut shaming goes unrecognized by many, young people don't often have the opportunity to discuss these issues as they are experiencing them. It is so important to open the conversation and de-stigmatize this subject matter for all genders. Everyone has to be part of the conversation -- it's not just a conversation for girls, for victims or for "at-risk" populations. With 1 in 3 teens experiencing dating abuse and 1 in 5 girls being sexual assaulted by the time they are 18 -- we are all affected because, whether we realize it or not, we all know someone. For most of us, we know many someones.

Waiting until college to start talking about this is too late. We must start these conversations in age-appropriate ways in elementary, middle and high school. I'm proud that AWARE is engaging youth today in conversations about healthy relationships. We work with ten, eleven and twelve year olds about what it means to be a good friend and how to stand-up for a friend or yourself, even when it is hard. With students in high school and college, we discuss healthy relationships and warning signs of abusive relationships. We equip participants with tools to help them talk to a friend they are worried about and empower them to seek help. At every age, we talk about the role of the bystander, which is often the role we play as friends, and how to help or provide support to others. We break the tools into small actions everyone can do such as saying, “hey, that’s not cool” when you hear conversation that perpetuates rape culture and slut shaming or asking “Are you okay? Can I help?”

This play reminded me that we are just scratching the surface when it comes to education about healthy relationships, consent and dating abuse. There is a famous quote from Rabbi Tarfon that appears in the Talmud. He says “It is not upon you to complete the task, but neither are you free to idle from it.” To make cultural change happen, it takes time and hard work by many. When I read a story in the news about another teen life cut short due to dating violence or a sexual assault on a college campus, I imagine building a bubble around my future children to protect them from our culture of violence. I'm sure that’s how our parents felt about us. But I know the bubble won't help. What will help is dialogue; education; training for teachers, guidance counselors, camp counselors, campus police and the many other categories of professionals youth turn to; and supportive adults -- parents, educators, family members.

If you have a chance to see SLUT: The Play, please go. And even if you can’t see the show, you can still be part of this important culture change by starting the conversation with those around you. There are a couple easy ways to show that you believe in healthy relationships and consent education.

First, if someone tells you they have experienced sexual assault, rape, slut-shaming or any other traumatic experience, there is one message they most need to hear, “Thank you for trusting me. I believe you. I’m sorry this happened to you and it is not your fault.”

And second, think about what you are posting, sharing and liking on your social media. This is an easy way to promote positive messages about relationships, friendships and consent.

Click on these links for more information about Slut: The Play, consent education or the Stop SlutCoalition. For more information on AWARE’s healthy relationship and friendship workshops, click here.

Teen Dating Violence Among LGBTQ Youth

by Beth Sherouse, ACLS Public Fellow, HRC Senior Content Manager

This blog is posted with permission from the Human Rights Campaign and was featured on the Human Right's Campaign Blog in March 2015.

This post contains contributions from HRC Foundation Children, Youth and Families Intern Jordanna Kidd.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation has expanded its resources on LGBTQ youth, adding information on teen dating violence (TDV). While research on TDV among LGBTQ youth is quite limited, the data we have is a cause for concern.

In any form, teen dating violence does not discriminate based on gender, race, socioeconomic status, or sexual orientation. According to a 2014 report from the CDC, about 9 percent of high school students reported experiencing physical or sexual dating violence.

Dating violence, specifically teen dating violence, can take many forms. Whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, it causes significant harm to those involved. Not only does dating violence take place in person, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that dating violence can also take place electronically on social media or through text messaging.

In one of the only studies on LGBT teens, the Urban Institute reported in 2013 that transgender youth are the most vulnerable to dating violence with 89 percent reporting physical violence, 61 percent reporting sexual coercion and 59 percent reporting emotional abuse. Although transgender youth were under-sampled in the study, these figures are still alarming.

LGB youth also showed significantly higher rates of dating violence compared to non-LGB youth. Of the youth surveyed, 29 percent of heterosexual youth reported physical abuse by dating partners while 42.8 percent of LGB youth reported the same; 59 percent reported emotional abuse, in comparison to 46 percent of heterosexual youth; 37 percent reported being abused or harassed online or other electronic forums, in comparison to 26 percent of heterosexual youth; and 23 percent said they had experienced sexual coercion, in comparison to 12 percent of heterosexual youth.

"LGBTQ youth often have no idea that they are in a volatile, dangerous or unhealthy relationship,” explains Dr. Alex Karydi, a psychologist and the LGBTQI Youth Coordinator for the South Carolina Department of Juvenile Justice. “Because LGBT relationships are only recently and still rarely visible in popular culture, they have few role models to aspire to in terms of what a healthy LGBTQ relationship looks like.”

Existing curricula on teen dating violence and related topics like sex education or domestic or sexual violence prevention education are rarely inclusive of LGBTQ youth. Only four U.S. states and the District of Columbia require school sex education curricula to include LGBT-specific content. Moreover, many curricula do not teach youth about healthy relationship skills or how to set and respect relationship boundaries.

“I see a lot of cases where these youth think that abusive or violent relationships are ‘normal’ because it has been so hard for them to find love and acceptance in their own family or community – they don't want to lose even one person who claims to love them," Karydi says. “In some contexts, their relationships are seen as sinful, so these youth get the message that any negative aspects of their relationship are justifiable or to be expected. It is our responsibility as individuals and a community to build awareness and education to protect our kids and future no matter what their relationships look like."

If you are a teen who wants to know if your relationship is healthy or if there may be some warning signs that could lead to TDV,LoveIsRespect.org has LGBTQ-inclusive information and an interactive quiz.

If you or someone you know is the victim of intimate partner violence, here is more information on LGBTQ teen dating violence, including resources that serve LGBTQ survivors.

Break the Silence, Stop Domestic Violence

By Leor Rosen

This summer started like any other summer. I finished school and was elated about going to camp, just as I have for the past 8 years. What I didn’t expect was how this summer would be different. This summer my view on relationships would be altered. This summer my perspective on life would change in many ways.

At Camp Tel Yehudah this summer, I was part of the leadership program. It all began with a small piece of paper. We were told to rank, from 1-10, each of the ten issues we could work on and learn about throughout summer. The issues ranged from domestic abuse to poverty to gun violence. I chose domestic abuse .even though, I knew almost nothing about the topic. In fact, all I knew about domestic abuse was what I had learned from reading the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse’s (JCADA) small sign about assistance for victims on the back of the bathroom stall in my synagogue. That was the extent of my knowledge. I wrote down that number one next to this topic last summer because I wanted to learn more.

I was put into a group with my fellow campers who had also chosen this topic. Our camp counselor shared articles with detailed information about domestic abuse and I began to understand what domestic abuse really meant. After a period of intense learning, the summer leadership program culminated with a trip to DC to lobby Congress to provide assistance to domestic violence victims as well as to visit organizations working on this cause. We had an incredible experience in DC, visiting the National Network to End Domestic Violence, participating in JCADA’s AWARE seminar, and meeting with representatives from Alaska and Maryland.

While all of the information I collected on the trip was enriching, I sometimes felt powerless during the trip. I wondered whether I would ever truly be able to help victims going through unimaginable hardships when I had no previous background or experience with this issue. It was after JCADA’s AWARE workshop that I realized the critical value of this leadership program was that it gave me the opportunity to become educated about domestic abuse. I finally understood that raising people’s consciousness through education is key to breaking the cycle of abuse. Before this leadership program, I knew absolutely nothing about domestic abuse or its presence in today’s society.

During the trip to D.C., our group cheer was “Break the Silence, Stop Domestic Violence.” Domestic violence is an issue that no one talks about either because people are unaware of the issue or are afraid to speak out. I am only a junior in high school and many people may say there is only so much I can do to address this issue, but I would like to challenge that idea. My experience this summer prompted me to speak out in my school newspaper against students’ disrespectful behavior during an assembly on sexual assault and dating relationships at my school. My experience also helped me realize my passion for women’s issues and I am now an intern at the National Women’s Law Center. My experience made me more aware of the relationships around me.

After being educated on the issue this summer, I have become one of those voices attempting to break the silence about domestic abuse. That is why I would like to call on you and my community to become more educated on this important issue and become advocates for healthy relationships. Because, my small voice, combined with other small voices around the world, is what will eventually break the immense silence that surrounds the complex issue of domestic abuse. 

Healthy vs. Harmful: Technology Use by Teens

By Sara Migler, JCADA Intern

As a senior in high school, I see firsthand how social media sites like Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat dominate the lives of teenagers, including myself.  Social media is an extremely important part of our lives. This prominent communication tool for kids, teenagers, and young adults can also provide a dangerous platform for users to control, manipulate and be abusive towards their peers.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and during this month, it is important for us to understand the difference between healthy and harmful social media and technology use in a relationship. Technological abuse is defined as disrupting or manipulating someone’s personal life and using social media or communication devices to harass them.

Technological abuse is a common tool abusive partners use to gain power and control in a relationship.  What are ways someone can use technology to control their partner? Check out the images below from That’s Not Cool Tumblr for some common examples of technology dating abuse.

For more examples of technology dating abuse, go to That’s Not Cool’s Tumblr! While some of the movie clips and pictures are funny, it is important that we are able to recognize the warning signs of an abusive relationship.

For tips on how to stay safe while using technology, visit AWARE's Technology Safety page.